YO!
OUTTA HERE!
9/12/19—4/25/20
It’s been a while! I hope this new website and new lifestyle will bring me to a discipline with blogging. I have to fill the void somehow. Might as well get productive with things. The website needs to have content on it in some form! This is a blog that I started back in September 2019, but I don’t think I ever got around to finishing it or posting it. However, it does not make it totally irrelevant to myself today…in fact, it is remarkably still quite relevant. It is actually a reflection of something I did one year ago, almost to this very date. So let’s begin…
Have you ever had conversations with yourself? Maybe you have an inner pulse that’s making plans, assessing options, second-guessing decisions, or just fantasizing about the future. These thoughts are often caught in the net of anxiety, but can also be freed in imagination or even organized planning. I’ve been in this kind of state for the better part of 6 months.
I was trapped in my own thoughts and I was feeling scattered. I tried to turn this into a production catalyst—by forcing my constant thought into creative outlets. Much of it goes to waste though, like diving your hand into the bottom of a wave in hopes to get the perfect shell…but instead, you’re looking into a handful of sand. The calculated lifestyle/outlook that I programmed into myself was greatly challenged by a new daily routine that involved having to take the subway, go to physical therapy, and consistent lingering exhaustion. Through the dog days of winter, February through April [2019], I was grasping for motivation.
The fantasy of leaving would frequent my daily commutes. Each time I would entertain the idea more and more, attracting goals, plans, and destinations. Finally, an opportunity came: Spring Break. This short week provided me with feelings of fulfillment and a better understanding of serenity. I had something to look forward to.
I started planning, but I wanted to keep it simple. I’ve planned tours before with Warpark, so I wasn’t totally trying something new. This plan had no expectations, no deadlines, no threats of inefficiency, and above all: no worrying. I finally felt in control of my life. I decided where I was going and what I was doing without any fear.
I ended up landing in Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Raleigh, and Asheville. 5 days, 5 cities, 7 open mic sets, 1500 miles, and many nights spent in the van. All I received was positivity. Some shows better than others, some had more welcoming people, but it was all positive. I’ll tell those stories sometime.
Looking back all I really did was drive down I-95 and show up to some random open mics, but the point was that I actually did it. I turned a daydream into a reality. It was the first time in weeks that I actually felt happy with what I was doing and why I was doing it. To me, happiness exists in moments…and this was a moment that I really needed.
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MORE POSTS
BLOG #1: OUTTA HERE!
It’s been a while! I hope this new website and new lifestyle will bring me to a discipline with blogging. I have to fill the void somehow. Might as well get productive with things. The website needs to have content on it in some form! This is a blog that I started back in September 2019, but I don’t think I ever got around to finishing it or posting it. However, it does not make it totally irrelevant to myself today…in fact it is remarkably still quite relevant. It is actually a reflection of something I did one year ago, almost to this very date. So let’s begin…
BLOG #2: A YEAR IN LOCKDOWN
Here we are now—a full year after COVID hit the United States and put an entire country in limbo. From toilet paper nearly becoming currency to vaccines becoming readily available, we have now seen the impact of this pandemic from this trip around the sun. I think this may be a good time to really reflect on what life was, what it is now, and what the hell we should do now...
BLOG #3: Unpacking Some Bags
Well, we did it. Masks are off, people are vaccinated, and summertime is upon us. What’s next? Shows are getting set up, tours booked, and the last of businesses are opening back up. The next phase in society is shifting and we must get with it one way or another. Things like this are easier for me to deal with if I just try not to think about it too much. The onslaught of questioning I can put myself through can often cripple or just bum me out to a point of depression-like symptoms. In my heart I am an optimist. In my head I’m a cynical over-thinker. There’s a word for this, right?
BLOG #4: Setting Things Straight
Ever just stop and ask yourself “wait...why am I doing this?” Or maybe you found yourself in a place you didn’t really plan on being in when you first began your journey. Maybe doubts start setting in, as if to say you should be in a better place...or you should be having more “success” than what you’re currently experiencing. Before these thoughts spiral out of control, you then have to snap back into reality and get back to the point…“why am I doing this?” ...
BLOG #5: How I’m Fitting Into A New World (Part 1)
Life is always going to be about rolling with the punches, adapting…surviving. The famous Rollins quote of “half of life is fucking up and the other half is dealing with it.” Today’s world proves to have quite a different gameplan. There are far less rules and require far more backup plans. Everyone seems to be navigating differently. If you are out there looking at your neighbor and thinking that their path is right for you, you might just end up in a very different place than you intended. One thing seems to reign supreme now: figure out what works for you...
BLOG #6: THE STREAMING SOLUTION
Regardless of how we all feel about Joe Rogan or Neil Young or anyone else involved in this “controversy” one thing should all rub us the wrong way: Spotify standing on the heads of countless artists to pay a man 100 million dollars. There are lots of different perspectives on this situation and the ever-evolving music industry that I want to dig into, but ultimately I’ll never be on board with how streaming services seem to be bankrolling billions, and artists are left waiting for the trickle-down effect. Yes, I’m aware I am a very small-time artist that is getting very little action/benefits from these streaming platforms and at the risk of just sounding like a bitter wannabe (or jaded boomer), here are what I think the issues are and even some solutions…
BLOG #7: STAYING WITH IT
If you are some sort of artist or creative person and you’ve endured the past 2 years without giving up, you deserve a medal of honor…seriously. We all suffered varying degrees of trauma and though we are not out of the woods with the pandemic effects, we are reaching a stage of creative resurgence. Tours are booked, concerts and the rest of the entertainment industry is rolling again, so it’s now time for those quarantine projects to come to life. This can be rather intimidating and anxiety-inducing, which lots of creatives struggle with, but we have to figure out a way to use this new era as motivation to see things through...
BLOG #8: How I’m Fitting Into A New World (Part 2)
So far what I’ve established in my life is that preparation fuels everything. It’s my basis for confidence and my main anxiety reducer, both creatively and in my personal life. In BLOG 5, I talked about figuring out what works for me as I approach this new year and a new chapter in my life. I’ve settled into a new living situation, been trying out different working environments, and trying to stay productive creatively. Though society is still very uncertain, my objective was to play the hand I am currently dealt in order to be able to move forward. I’ve set goals and shifted priorities, but also stayed committed to certain things in order to plan on what comes next. Halfway through the year, I’m checking in to show my successes and shortcomings...
BLOG #9: Finding Success
Now that “THE PANDEMIC IS OVER,” it seems like things are going faster than ever. Every band is touring (and bailing on tours), all kinds of shows are selling out, flights are unpredictable, and prices are out of control. Another new normal? Regardless of where you are in your life, we all have at least one commonality: we’re a couple years older than when this thing first began. One thing that always comes with getting older is the confrontation of time passing and an excuse for reflection. Though this is sounding like blog posts of the past, this post I’m thinking about measuring success, not just thinking about maintaining creativity. Our expectations and goals can change as we’re faced with harsh realities or surprising accomplishments, so what’s feeding our current state of creative fulfillment?
BLOG #10: Tending Wounds (Part 1)
If you’re like me, the new year can bring a bunch of different feelings up…likely lots of ups and downs. We can look back on the past year and what we’ve gone through, or similarly look ahead to what we hope to go through this year, but sometimes being in that headspace can cause a loss of being in the present and where we are now. 2022 exposed a lot of things within American society and the world, but I think what is mostly getting exposed is the need for mental health treatment…for just about everyone (but especially creatives). If you follow me on INSTAGRAM you may have seen that post I put out early on during the pandemic urging us creatives to speak up and find someone to talk to if they had the means. Now I’m revisiting why this is so important to us and keeping us true to who we are as creatives walking into 2023...
BLOG #11: Tending Wounds (Part 2): Were You A Sensitive Kid Too?
Our childhood determines what our personality traits will be, how we choose the things we do, and even the reality we choose to see. The behaviors of how we think, feel, and see amalgamates to who we really are. Until something or someone gets us to step outside ourselves to objectively observe the causes and results of our behaviors, we’re likely stuck in this autopilot of repeating cycles...cycles that stemmed from childhood events. In the last post I used the analogy of us all emerging into adulthood with our inner child situated in some sort of hole. The size and depth of that hole just depends on our genetics along with the traumas and experiences we had growing up. So what do we do about it and how does this impact us as creatives?
Are you feeling like no matter what you do you can’t get ahead? Treading water? Even if you do accomplish or produce something, somehow it doesn’t meet expectations and it leaves you slightly dissatisfied? It can feel like the mind is racing and the body can’t keep up. When these 2 entities fall out of balance it’s the fire/gasoline combo igniting depression, anxiety, and even just plain old writer’s block. It can fall even deeper into panic attacks or paralysis episodes that kill the motivation to do anything. Though it may feel like we are the only ones experiencing it, this is something that plagues us all from time to time–especially artists trying to keep up in this 2023 world of rising prices and abundant distractions. In this post I’m going to talk about how to combat these situations and how to let things happen in order to right the creative ship. These frantic states are completely normal because it is the case of our mind & body trying to communicate something to us…we just need to have the awareness to figure out what that is...
BLOG #13: Will Our Creativity RUN OUT?!
Every creative process evolves, grows, or gets dismantled. Like the great quote from Heraclitus, “the only thing that is constant is change.” There is another quote from him however, that states, “it is in changing that we find purpose.” That to me, is the name of the game with creativity, and this brings me to my main point for this post: Will we be able to keep creating? This anxiety-inducing question can come from a lot of different places, like being financially, emotionally, or mentally stable, but when you boil it all down it’s the same place: worry & fear. If you’ve fallen victim to the thoughts or feelings that come from fear, you’re certainly not alone…especially if you’re an artist. But let’s break this down in order to realign our path with our purpose and that comes with one word...
BLOG #14: Are We BLOCKING Our Own Success & Fulfillment??
What if we don’t need to have it ALL figured out to become the artist we want to be? In fact, what if there’s more power in letting the process happen rather than us trying to force the future to bend to our will? Sometimes when we’re pressuring ourselves in that way, it ends up feeling like the more we do, the more we give ourselves to do…and the more we end up getting overwhelmed. Now that the smoke is starting to clear here on the East coast, I realize that this clarity is something that often comes at the end of a disaster. After each failure there is a lesson, after each rock bottom comes an upward path. So how do we know if the smoke is clearing within us?
BLOG #15: FIGHT BACK against your BIGGEST ENEMY
Something that has been popping up all around me is the concept of determining a person’s value. This can be described in a couple of different ways, one being the value that a person provides, or the values that a person holds within themselves. As in what we contribute to the outside, versus what we hold as important qualities on the inside. As artists, this is probably one of the most difficult areas to navigate. So much of society is set up in a way where value is based on earning money. Especially in America, it’s almost all we think about. I was at this party a little while ago and someone asked me what I’ve been doing during the week and if I have a career path. I replied by outlining how I’m providing content and building a community to empower artists. Their response was, “Oh, wow…how do you plan on making money doing that?” It seems like this was such a natural question to ask in a discussion such as this, when a person describes what they want to do with their life, almost immediately they are met with asking can I make money doing this? Here’s why this can be REALLY dangerous for artists...
BLOG #16: Top 2 Reasons Why WE NEED ARTISTS
What is the purpose of our art? To some of us, that may be an easy question to answer, but to others, maybe it requires a little more thought. Some would maybe even question what the point of art is as a whole. Some of us might notice beauty in every little thing around us while others can walk through a museum and wonder why nothing truly impresses them. These days I have been turned on to a different perspective on creativity and its purpose. Especially within the music scene. It’s something that has been in my face for years, but was just not fully aware of how to articulate it…so here it goes...
BLOG #17: Winter is coming…but is that a bad thing??
Have you ever just hit a wall with creating? I think it’s something that is inevitable with all artistic people…especially in this world today where there is an ever tightening financial strain. Lots of us are working really hard just to stay in debt, or treading water to stay narrowly above falling into it. Because of this, oftentimes when we have the time to create, we may not necessarily have the right energy for it. Forcing that inspiration can feel inauthentic. Unfulfilling. Even downright depressing at times. As if it is some last-ditch effort to reclaim a neglected identity. Cue the apathetic music. The good news: there are remedies to this cycle...
BLOG #18: you don’t need to have it all figured out…
What if I told you that everything that has happened in your life is perfect? That might relieve some of us, might trigger others, and some of us might disregard it entirely. How can things be perfect if I am in debt? How can things be perfect if my phone is breaking? How can things be perfect if my car wouldn’t start today? Well, truth is, we got ourselves into these situations…and now we have to get ourselves out. Thus making each thing perfect…perfect for us to experience, learn from, and find success with. As artists, but more importantly, as humans, the natural state seems to be in our quest for something. What are we striving toward? What goals do we have? What bills need to get paid? What are the things we lack that we are working to have? This time last year, I lost EVERYTHING…but I was determined to figure out how this rock bottom situation was actually a huge blessing. Here’s what I figured out…
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